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| 08:33pm 13/02/2012 |
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I'm in this huge funk emotionally and I just can't shake it. I just don't know anymore. |
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| What is this, I don't even... |
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| 09:55pm 25/12/2011 |
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haha I totally forgot I had one of these. Anyways, I feel like I haven't updated in a long time so I might as well compose some thoughts.
My dad got remarried and moved in with his wifey, which is cool. It was nice being at home and helping out and stuff but for some reason I really enjoy that peace you get from solitude or just living in SD with your friends and working or whatever. His wife is nice. I think she seems a tad fake as I'm pretty sure she exaggerates how much she enjoys everything, but she fell for a fool like my dad so I can't really complain. I always used to think my dad was the slickest person ever, but in reality he's soooo not (hahahhahaha)
Living in SD is nice. I'm living with Danny (who is always a turd, but it's okay). He eats way more than I do and refuses to cook for some reason which drives me crazy sometimes, but it's not too bad. I just enjoy the days when he's not home and I have the day off from my lab job so I can play video games. I started up a youtube channel last year for some reason. At first, it was to narrate Pokemon wifi battles because I'm a huge dork and thought they were the coolest things ever. Then I realized I wanted to try my hand at narrating walkthroughs of various old classic games I enjoy that I don't think have a good walkthrough on youtube (be it no commentary, low video quality, whatever). Ironically enough, I stopped narrating wifi battles because nobody watched them, then people started subbing to me exclusively for them because I'm actually a pretty good narrator and battler (I'll give credit to my college education...har har). Now I'm in a position where most people want a wifi battle but I just want to play stuff like FFVII and Zelda and Star Ocean and FFIX and DKC2.
To put things in simple terms, I play the 4th generation competitive Pokemon metagame and they are now on 5th gen. Naturally, everyone gravitated towards the shiny new gen and they left 4th gen behind, which is the best generation ever in terms of competitive play. It only bothers me because the 5th gen metagame is loaded with broken pokes who overcentralize the game currently so I can't even really call it competitive sometimes. Since 4th gen has been on the decline, so has my desire to post wifi battles even though I want to (mainly because I hate watching and playing 5th gen). I dunno. It's hard to get motivated about pokes. Maybe it's a sign of growing up. Oh yeah, I totally got the new Zelda for Christmas (so much for growing up, right?). That and I'm playing with 2 teams currently and I haven't posted a single match yet so people can't just watch a vid and try and counter the team.
My job is fine. Work in a lab, get paid decent money. My ultimate goal is still to be a Doctor and go to Medical School now. I decided against Pharms school a while back on account that if I do something repetitive, I'm just going to mentally dial out like I do with everything in my life.
That also reminds me, I miss being in school a lot. Nothing hits the spot like knowledge, you know? Hopefully I'll be back at in in a year and a half. I want to retake the MCAT and get a stronger score to guarantee admission and apply this year. I still have to volunteer at a hospital and try and get letters of rec though (such a pain)
No luck with the ladies (hahahahahaha). Probably because I play games in my free time instead of wandering around a store or bumping into people on the streets. I honestly don't even know what I'm looking for anymore. I just want someone I enjoy spending time with, who is kind of a home body like myself that I can relax with and enjoy time with. danny seems to think 99% of women are crazy (and he might be right), but I gotta think there's one girl out there that will enjoy me for me. I also get the feeling I'd really enjoy someone really wholesome like my little sister's friends since they all seem so upstanding and nice. I dunno. I feel like I'm part prude as well. Maybe I should just be a monk :)
I really enjoy the youtube thing way too much. In reality, it's a waste of time, but I think it's cool that the videos will be around forever for future people to find and enjoy once I'm done. So many people have told me the LTTP walkthrough I did helped them so much. That and so many people are enjoying Final Fantasy VII that never have before. It's hard to say it's a waste of time when stuff like that leaves me so satisfied. I dunno.
I really miss my family though when I'm all alone in SD. It's so weird. It's like I want to be alone sometimes, but the moment I'm alone I wish people were around. I'm pretty sure that's normal but maybe I'm just a weirdo!
Anyways, that seems like a lengthy update. Danny says I should take pictures and record thoughts in case I get hit by a bus someday. Maybe he's right. Then again, do I WANT to remember pondering all these silly things when they're probably so silly in teh grand scheme of life? hmmm |
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| Update and what I wish I could eloquently say to my sister |
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| 12:19am 19/09/2010 |
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Obligatory update? Maybe.
INO=Done. I never wanna work with fast food again. As they would say in Lethal Weapon: "I'm too old for this shit." It's good money when you're a high school student or an early college student, but it's time and energy zapping and there is much easier work to be done in this world.
My temporary lab position ended 2 weeks earlier than expected, which is both a good and a bad thing. Obviously earning the money would be great, but it gives me a chance to spend time with my sister before she studies abroad in England for 3-9 months (she doesn't know). Of course, she's off galavanting with her friends right now, so I guess that bright spot doesn't really count, but at least I've been trying to make myself more available to be with her, even if she doesn't seem to recognize or care.
Speaking of which, I feel like a huge rift has developed between me and her in the past week. It all started when she decided to have this conversation about religion (she's become SUPER christian over the past year). I've been really supportive because I love her so much and all I wanted was for her to be whole and happy again, but it finally got to me the other day. To summarize the conversation in my view: I was told that the things that I can do on Earth is the equivalent of a menstrual rag in biblical times and that only if I glorify and talk about God am I doing anything worthwhile with my life. I spent the next day being angry and pondering over whether my life up this point has really been pointless, but that just made me angry at both God and my sister for making me feel irrelevant. In all honesty, I know that I've lived a good and just life so far, and even if I don't outright speak about God, I try my best to follow his words and be kind and considerate and thoughtful to everyone I know and come across.
Then she asked if I believed in Heaven and Hell, which I do obviously. However, I told her I don't know if I'm going to Heaven or not. To be honest, I don't know what truly constitutes going to Heaven, and even though I'd like to think I should be there, maybe God is really selective or maybe there is no heaven to begin with in the first place and my belief is totally wrong. If it's the former, I feel like I'll be with a lot of good people in Hell then (maybe we'll form a "we should have gone to Heaven" group). I guess she thought I was thinking of it as "I'm so unworthy of being in Heaven" which is definitely not what I meant.
Of course, I made the situation a lot worse because I played up my anger when she was around just so she would feel like her preaching had the exact opposite effect that she intended (I had gone from being happy to upset and lost). What I should have done was just let her know that I disagree with her. I don't feel like you have to necessarily talk about God and preach and outright say He is why you do things in order to go to heaven. You just do the things that God would want you to do: you live a righteous life in His image and you'll go to heaven, even if you're of a different religion or none at all. After all, why would God deny a righteous Muslim or Buddhist a chance at heaven for choosing wrong or never being exposed to His word? If He created all of us, why would He put some of His children in a position where they're screwed if they never hear of Him? That just seems really cruel and unusual. Secondly, I think what you do on Earth does have bearing on whether you go to Heaven or not, simply because why do human exist if not to support and help one another and leave the world a better place than when we started? If what we do on Earth has no meaning, why don't we all commit suicide the moment we believe in Him so we can return to His side?
I guess I like to think that my life may or may not mean a lot compared to what God is capable of, but as long as I'm here I want to make sure I do everything I can to help and to make life easier for those around me and for those that will inhabit the Earth after me. That way, if my religious belief is totally wrong, I've done everything I can to help people in the life that counts.
I've been meaning to tell this to her for the past 3 days but I know:
1)it won't come out as eloquently.
2)She'll probably interrupt me and say that I need to read the Bible or something along those lines
3)She'll do what she has been doing and continue to avoid me and confide in her bible friends (which incidently makes me feel more upset)
She seriously hasn't been alone for the past 2 days, and all I've wanted was a chance to clear the air before she goes to England. That and I wanted to tell her staying in England for a whole year because "God said" is really ridiculous. If she wants to stay a whole year and she was a little afraid, she should have just let me know and I would have told her that everything will be fine. I would have just let her know that she has lot's of family over there, the UC study abroad program is a really safe program, and I'm always only a phone call away should she ever feel lonely or homesick. She's always close to my heart, even when she's halfway across the globe. That or she can try the first semester out just to see if England is the kind of atmosphere she wants to be in before she makes a hasty decision. After all, where you go to school is an important decision; that's why we spent 4 years in High School thinking about it.
Anyways, I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to tell her all of this, so hopefuly someday she'll stumble across this and recognize I'm not mad at her at all and I love her a lot. I just wish she wouldn't be afraid to talk to me. Confronting people when she has a problem has always been a trait I admire. I wish I had that kind of boldness all the time |
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| My quick update |
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| 12:06am 22/07/2010 |
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To say I'm exhausted right now is an understatement. The lab has me working ~42+ hours a week and INO is ranges between 20-24 hours on the weekends. I find that I have absolutely no time to do anything. Heck, I'm starting to feel like a guest in my own home. I'm probably gonna put in my two weeks at INO this weekend. I feel super guilty, but I feel like they're taking advantage of the fact I work hard right now (I feel so used!). Honestly though, the DM was supposed to recertify me as a cook and he hasn't, so I'm not even making what I should be making. Total BS. That and scraping the grill is taking its toll on me physically. My right wrist kills me during the week and it hurts to twist it with anything weighing more than 8 lbs. If teh job is gonna give me carpal tunnel, I should at least be paid appropriately, you know?
I have no desire to be a slave. |
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| labs, burgers, and selfishness |
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| 09:28pm 22/05/2010 |
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mood:  disappointed
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Life in a nutshell?
Got rehired at INO (why did they take me off teh payroll to begin with?). Maybe I'm older but I don't remember me being so exhausted/not enthused when I was working. Half the time, things run well, the other half the time it makes me kind of want to yell at the top of my lungs. My dad says I just feel underemployed considering my major and what I could be doing.
I had an interview with a really cool lab company in Northridge which I would love to work for. Sadly, I haven't heard back from them yet (I think it went well though). I did get offered a job at a lab in Camarillo which I accepted. However, they wanted me to start Monday morning which I can't do since I still work at INO (and they won't let me go). I told them and I feel like they wanted me to feel guilty about how much work they put into rehiring me for me to leave so soon (and how they wouldn't have done so if they would have known I would have left). It's just kind of dissapointing because I spend my whole life trying to help people and putting the needs of people over my own (which can be frustrating at times), so when someone tries to guilt trip me when an opportunity comes around for ME, I just wish instead of thinking about themselves and what they're gonna do, they should be happy for me and the opportunity I have, you know?
But that sums up my emotions. It's too bad because I didn't really want to go back to INO in the first place and now I think I'll end up working 2 jobs at once just to appease everybody. And to think I was getting excited because I was gonna be in a steady 8-5 job M-F rather than in a schedule that varies greatly and pretty much eliminates my weekends and my chances to have time to myself and my family. Sometimes I wish I thought more about what I want rather than what I think other people need of me. |
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| Livin', chillin', and having a good time |
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| 09:42pm 29/03/2010 |
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Life has been great. No job yet, but my dad is moving on to a different company which will hopefully allow HIM to earn some money. My little sister is currently raising money to go to Japan for Campus Crusade for Christ. If anybody would like to donate just let me know as she would greatly appreciate it :)
In the meantime, I had a chance to go back to the gym after a week hiatus to restrengthen my lower back (which was aching me if I stood in place for too long). Is that old-man ish? I think so :)
I'm gonna send out a whole new batch of applications either tonight or tomorrow. Somebody is bound to bite soon, you know?
In the meantime, I'm also attempting to put Pokemon Wifi battles on youtube. It's kind of nerdy, but I am what I am. The community is ultra competitive and I really just aim to create a team that is competitive AND fun. Plus my old roomate told me he wants to watch the videos when i get them up. |
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| bler bler bler |
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| 06:24pm 10/03/2010 |
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Job hunt continues. Modified my resume. Having some people look over it. Anybody who says the job market is good or is improving is pretty much full of shit at this point. How can you get turned down from a lab job that requires only a BS degree in Chemistry? CA is such a shitpool at this point.
Healthcare blah blah blah. I'm pretty sure the only things Obama understands really well at this point is sports. What a disappointment |
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| Everything must go! |
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| 05:52pm 07/03/2010 |
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I'm currently digging through all my old stuff and selling it on craigslist and the facebook marketplace. I didn't realize what a ridiculous number of pokemon and yu-gi-oh cards I had @_@'
Giving some money to my dad because he's struggling and is pretty broke right now. Job hunt continues. INO hasn't got back to me. Maybe they don't want me....their loss really. I'm pretty awesome ;P
No, seriously. I'm WAY better than anybody I saw working when I stopped by. |
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| Dear California |
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| 11:00pm 09/02/2010 |
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Dear California,
You suck at providing jobs for people who graduated with a legitimate degree in a respectable field. I'm glad I have greater ambitions over the long haul than fighting for underpaid work.
Screw you California |
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| obligatory update |
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| 07:36pm 06/02/2010 |
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Spent most of the day trying to fix and speed up my dad's computer in the house. i think I was marginally successful (It's running okay right now). I personally LOVE the customizable skins that the new Firefox has!
Hopefully good things are heading my way!
oh yeah, and the lakers kinda suck right now |
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| state of the union thoughts |
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| 10:18am 28/01/2010 |
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just thought i'd say i didn't particularly care for obama's speech last night.
The good: Looking into alternative sources of energy such as off shore drilling, clean coal, etc.
the bad: callng out the supreme court on a ruling they did. That's political bullying. Especially with everyone clapping and cheering obama on.
nothing says unity quite like rhetoric bent on highlighting differences and divisions |
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| Monday night TV and my life in a nutshell |
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| 01:54pm 12/01/2010 |
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Monday nights are the best night for television:
The Big Bang Theory continues to be amazing.
How I Met Your Mother had its 100th episode last night. Solid. Still haven't seen the mother yet, but Rachel Bilson and Stacy Keibler were guests last night. Yay! Double yay for Stacy Keibler (sooo beautiful)!!!
Chuck is amazing (NBC, 8pm) if you haven't seen it. I DVR it and watch it at 9.
House is always great
Heroes is not bad at all. Not Season 1 great, but I'm interested in what is going on right now and that's good. Very pleased with it.
_______________________
In other news, just studying for the PCAT and running and going to the gym every morning (my new years resolution was to run a 1/2 marathon). Life is good. It's simple, but I appreciate it. Life shouldn't ever feel like going through a thorn bush, ya know? |
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| Computer running like new, and good television |
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| 05:47pm 31/12/2009 |
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Reformatted my computer. It moves really fast now. It's hard to believe they threw 50 GBs worth of worthless stuff into it when I first got it. I'm really happy with it now. Windows 7>Windows Vista (Vista can pretty much suck it).
I gotta throw AVG and spybot onto it, but it's so fast right now I'd hate to bog it down so early with background programs.
Watching The Big Bang Theory right now. Fantastic show.
Still have to go apply for a good Chemistry related job. That and study for the PCAT.
Christmas was a lot of fun. Got a static electricity checker, some good books, multiple good wii games, and clothes. More importantly, I got to spend time with family.
I'll make my resolution to run a half marathon and get a chemistry related job. I think that's pretty ambitious. That and score at least in the 85th percentile on the PCAT (I'll find out how hard that is after I take it)
Happy New Years guys! |
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| Healthcare, the economy, and life |
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| 12:18am 22/12/2009 |
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I've got into a political binge as of late. I think it was because i got a chance to read through Mike Huckabee's book (which was an excellent read). It was nice to read something conservative yet totally compassionate with the toils of the common people. He had lot's of plans and ideas for how to fix this mess the country is in, and it kind of struck a chord with me. I've also been watching some stuff from Peter Schiff on youtube(who is some kind of economic soothsayer).
The economy is showing fake blips of recovery . Of course, the national deficit is skyrocketing to catastrophic proportions. The government, completely oblivious to warning, continues to make the situation worse by propping up bad businesses with taxpayer dollars, spending lot's of money they don't have, and lowering interest rates to 0%, only encouraging more bad investments and making what would be a bad recession (at this time) into something worse (think hyperinflation in the future).
They're also set to pass a pretty crummy Health Care bill through the senate, which includes tons of pork designed to buy Senate votes (the most obvious one being the fact the federal government will pay for all medicare expansion in the bill for the state of Nebraska forever). Did I say the government was paying for it? I meant the American taxpayers (and China until they wise up). After all, government doesn't earn any money at all, they just collect money from it's citizens, use it, and then give breadcrumbs back to the American people in the form of failing programs (which they always claim need more money since they suck). There's a ton of reasons why it won't actually help fix the growing deficit (or help lower the cost of health insurance for most people), but I won't go into details now. I volunteer at a Free Clinic now, and I expect the number of people that come in to increase in the future.
I could talk about what's wrong with the health care system right now for a while, but I'll keep it brief. They need to overhaul it and shift the focus through which it is run to preventative care. Insurance programs are designed primarily to treat people once they need serious help instead of focusing on making simple preventative checkups more widely available so that people won't require such costly services as often. In this way, it would also make it really risk free to cover people with pre-existing conditions (since any possible serious complications would be spotted quickly and treated without wasting lots of money--making it virtually identical to covering a relatively healthy person). they should also include incentives for exercising and staying healthy, eating well, and being healthy and productive at work. People might want universal government health care, but at this time, the government isn't in a position to offer something as comprehensive as that (and they wouldn't do a great job anyways given their track record). Tort reform is something that should have bipartisan support (it's truly a good idea), but lobbyist for attorney's are clearly influencing politicians at this time.
In life, MPC was way easy. I'm gonna go back to work at INO while I look for a chemistry/pharmaceutical job in the meantime (I'll end up doing both jobs most likely). I have a PCAT to study for in January, as well as a commitment to going to the gym and being healthy. Hopefully I can do something on the test that might impress the University of Texas or somewhere else I'm looking into for Pharm school. Until that time, I just want to help my dad (who is struggling financially) and prepare for a possible economic shock by investing whatever I have well. That and help people who have no health insurance and need help by volunteering.
It's a long post like usual, but until i get back into the habit of posting more frequently, I can't help it. :P |
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| Whirlwind of life |
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| 10:40pm 17/10/2009 |
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Haven't updated in a while. Been really busy with my sister's wedding. Ended up setting up the music and sound, running errands, decorating, etc. It turned out really well. She's in Europe right now, and I can't wait for her to come back so she and I can take more classes at the gym.
Speaking of gym, I was really focused on the gym for about 2 weeks where I went every day for what felt like 2+ hours. Haven't had time to go though since my dad's family flew in. they just flew out yesterday, and it's a little sad, but it allows me to focus on what I need to do. I can feel a shin splint developing in my left leg, so I have to take it easier on the treadmill for a bit, but I wanna kick it back up to full strength in my workouts.
Community College is a bitch. It's not hard, but I haven't had this much busy work in such a long time. It would be a little more bearable if I didn't know the material they're trying to teach us already. Thanks Pharmacy School for having pointless easy requirements to waste my time on.
I didn't sign up for the PCAT that took place today (mental flub). It's fine. With all the family in I wasn't able to study and studying at the house is unbelievably difficult anyways. there is another one in January anyways
My goals for the rest of the year is to grow some more plants and do some more yardwork to make my yard look good again. I also wanna start learning basic guitar chords from youtube videos. That and of course get more results from my workout (It's really addicting).
I'll pick up a legit part time job when i stop getting so much stupid busy work that is wasting my time |
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| Kanye and Glee |
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| 11:44pm 13/09/2009 |
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Kanye West showed that he was a douchebag (no surprise to me thouggh, I've known that for a while now).
I didn't actually watch the incident live because I don't watch the VMAs, mainly because people tend to have terrible taste in music as a whole and it hurts to see these "artists" get rewarded.
Instead, I'd like to focus on the fact that "Glee" is a fantastic show that is airing on Wednesdays on Fox @ 9pm. It's a hybrid comedy/musical that is all kinds of amazing. Two episodes have shown so far so if you haven't seen them yet, here is the link:
http://www.hulu.com/search?query=glee
1. Pilot
2. Showmance
It has great covers and remakes of songs, the humor is a little offbeat, and the one liners are amazing. It cost $3 million per episode to make, and I know that they need big ratings to keep the show going. If you can't watch it live, please set your DVR and just play it one day while you're cooking to help boost the ratings. I know anybody whole likes music or theater will really enjoy this. |
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| Jobs, healthcare. whatever |
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| 10:09am 11/09/2009 |
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So I still haven't found a job yet. Actually, to say I haven't found one is to imply I was searching actively for one--which I certainly was not. I've put the touches on what I think is a great resume, but I have to admit, the possibility of working in a lab sounds really daunting and a little intimidating. I would go back to INO and work, but I know that I'd be falling back on that job just to make it so I didn't have to look for an actual one. In all honesty, I don't think I'd be thrilled about any job I get. What I really want is to further my education some--even if it cost me an arm and a leg (hopefully it won't).
Listening to President Obama, you recognize two things:
1. He's a charismatic speaker who knows how to tell people what they want to hear
2. He hasn't told people yet what they NEED to hear.
I'd be lying if I said that I know everything of healthcare, I don't. I do know however, that going into the medical industry (whether it be with an MD, PhD, Pharm D etc.) cost a ridiculous amount of money. When these people make $100,000+ in a year (which they DO NOT starting off), unlike people in other fields, they also have $200-$300k in debts to pay off. In addition, they probably would like to get a car at this point, buy a house, finally get married, open up their own practice, etc. All these things cost money. I talked to the head of the pharmaceutical staff at Kaiser Permanente in Sherman Oaks last year, and it's not uncommon for them to not pay off their debts until they're 50 years old. Imagine that, they don't actually start making their true worth until they're about 10-15 years away from retirement (at which point they'd probably have to help pay for their child's education also).
To sum it up, this is a group of people who are never rolling in money. Yet it is okay to tax them an increased amount to fund a government option. Then if you read all 1000+ pages of the bill (which I doubt the president has done, considering the manner in which bills are written), you'll see provisions so the government can dictate how much Doctors get paid for each patient (a smaller amount than before). I'm no master economist, but this sounds like the recipe for disaster. You want to encourage more people to go into the medical profession since there is a great need for those jobs, you don't want to deter them.
I think the entire health care bill needs retooling. Health care needs to be improved, but government involvement rarely does the trick. A government option has the huge flaw of not having to abide by the rules of the free market. They can charge less than competitors and drive out private insureres (many of which actually provide great coverage), when they financially can't because they are always running in debt. Eventually, this will catch up with them, and the whole thing will collapse.
Want to to improve the healthcare system? Here are some simple suggestions.
1. Some of the most costliest things in the system today are the treatment of chronic debilitating diseases (such as obesity, diabetes, heart disease etc.). You need to give employers incentives to get their employees into healthy physical shape. Get those people into a gym. Offer tax deductions for programs that get these people enrolled in a gym to stay healthy.
2. There is a link between the diet you consume and your risk for things such as osteoporosis, cancer, obesity, and more. Educate young children about healthy eating habits (and teach them a second language while you're at it). Allow them to learn to make healthy choices for when they are on their own. Nobody needs to tax junk food and sugary soft drinks, you just need to teach kids that those can only be eaten in moderation.
3. Offer health insurers incentives for taking on people with prexisting conditions. Give them tax deductibles. People with prexisting conditions can still get treatment then, and you don't completely screw America over by putting it trillions of dollars more in debt.
Simply put, if we can't find a way to control our deficit spending, eventually there will be a message right below "made in the USA" that says: "Owned by China"
LONG POST, but I think if anybody even reads this anymore, they will hopefully find it a little enjoyable and enlightening. |
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| Registation, maturity, and the future |
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| 02:58am 11/08/2009 |
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What had my interest oddly no longer does. What occupies my thoughts is how mature I might actually be.
Maybe it's just perspective.
I get a better clue about what I want out of my life and what I'm looking for every day, and that is a great feeling.
Moorpark College registration was unnecessarily complicated. Waitlisted in 2 classes out of 3, but I'm only really worried about the waitlist on 1. I'm gonna work on my resume this week so I can submit it to Amgen or some other company in TO. Apparently the manager at my INO is a jerk, and I know enough about myself to recognize that if I don't enjoy working for the management at a particular store, I can't truly enjoy working there. Perhaps it's a sign to hone in on what I want. I also have to check Pharmcas and some Med school requirements. It sounds cheesy, but the thought of continuing education is really exciting to me. I wish I was this excited when I chose to take a year off--I might have done things differently.
Oh yeah, and I got to go the gym a bunch in the past week, and I LOVE it. I've tried to put an emphasis on cardio because I know how much I hate it. Hopefully my hard work will pay off. |
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| the one dependable thing about time is you can never have enough of it |
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| 11:55pm 05/08/2009 |
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Things never seem to go according to plan.
Gotta sign up for some classes at Moorpark College to knock out the last of the what I deem "ridiculously silly" requirements Pharmacy schools want. Other than that, time is suddenly moving quickly because I'm curious about something and time seems to fly really quickly while you ponder. |
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